December 6, 2022

It was that season of my life that I must leave home to find home.

The far country awaited me with all its mysteries and possibilities for someone seeking to discover the meaning of life. At the crossroads of my life, I took the pathway that required a uniform. Over the next six years, I would see more and experience more pain and suffering than I could ever imagine. But I was tough and resilient, nothing could stop me as I pressed onward into the dark recesses of a foreign land.

As there is a time to depart home, there is a time to return. In many ways, it was a great relief to leave the far country and return to my crossroads to decide what I would do with the rest of my life. This return home was a lot more complicated than I had anticipated. It started with my dreams that kept taking me back to the far country where I had escaped, left behind not to be revisited. This is what I intended to happen, but that is not how it played out for me.

The recurring dreams were relentless. It was like a vinyl record that keeps playing the same thing over and over again. I couldn’t find the off switch! I had to find some relief from this continual assault. It was driving me crazy. So, I medicated myself with drugs and alcohol. It offered some temporary relief from my demons who seemed to follow me wherever I went. While this solved a problem, it created greater problems at home and at work. Eventually I was rejected by both! I had nowhere to go. Family and friends couldn’t take me anymore! There was only one way for my life to go and that was downhill.

I convinced myself that the world was treating me unfairly. I didn’t deserve this! At stage left enter ANGER! It was in the woods where I made my home and my friends. I also took up their habits, which was not a good fit for me. The county jail became a familiar place that I often visited. As time went on my visits there became longer and longer. I could not stop this downward spiral. I desperately needed help, or I was going to die.

Late one night alone in a county cell, an epiphany came to me. What I thought I had left behind in a far country had followed me home. There was no escape from its relentless attack upon my mind, soul, and body. I was a dead man walking and it was just a matter of time when it would finish me off. Truly I was in the valley of the shadow of death!

For the first time in a longtime I prayed. It was a simple prayer. “God is there any help for me?” Sometimes simple prayers are the best!

Not long after I was offered an opportunity to go through a treatment court. I had no idea what this was all about, but one thing I did know it was for me the best chance to do something positive with my life. I later learned that it was called The Veterans Treatment Court. All the people that I needed to get on my feet were there to provide resources for me to start back to life and the healing of mind, body, and soul. I have been in the program for awhile now and I must say that it has been a struggle for me, but a struggle well worth it.

For me, my salvation came from an unexpected source – a treatment court that provided a healing touch.